October 8th, 2025.
Inspired by the teachings of Dr. Gabor Maté on support and healing.
“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” – Dr. Gabor Maté
There’s a quiet kind of strength that comes from surviving.
The kind of grit born from nights you weren’t sure you’d make it to morning. The kind built from pain that no one saw, from moments that shattered what you thought you knew about safety and love.
For years, I thought healing meant being able to move on. Being “fine.” But as Dr. Gabor Maté teaches, healing isn’t about erasing the story, it’s about creating the safety to tell it. It’s about finding the people who can hold that story with you, so you don’t have to carry it alone.
Because with the right support, you really can get through anything.
We Don’t Heal in Isolation, We Heal in Connection
Dr. Maté reframes trauma not as the event itself, but as the disconnection that follows: the moment we lose touch with our bodies, our truth, our sense of belonging.
And the antidote to that disconnection?
Connection itself.
We are wired for co-regulation. That’s why the right person can calm your entire nervous system without saying a word. That’s why being seen can sometimes heal more than being understood.
When someone looks at you with compassion instead of judgment, your body exhales. When someone holds space for your story without trying to fix it, your heart begins to unclench. When someone stays, even when your pain makes them uncomfortable, you learn what love actually feels like.
The Right People Change Everything
You don’t need a ton of friends.
You need the ones who see you when you disappear.
The ones who don’t require performance to show up.
The ones who can sit in silence without trying to fill it.
Healing doesn’t happen in crowded rooms. It happens in small, sacred spaces — in the presence of the right people who make you feel safe enough to come undone.
Dr. Maté reminds us that modern life rewards disconnection. We collect contacts, not connection.
In one of my recent favorite films, Marcel The Shell With Shoes On, the main character, Marcel, makes a powerful observation about the difference between having an audience and being a part of a community.
Healing doesn’t come from how many people know your name — it comes from the few who know your heart.
You don’t need a crowd to be supported. You just need one person who refuses to let you face the storm alone.
The right people won’t let you lose yourself. They love you back into your truth, one gentle moment at a time.
Hyper-Independence Isn’t Strength — It’s Survival
For years, I wore independence like armor. I told myself I didn’t need anyone. I prided myself on being “the strong one.”
But strength, as Dr. Maté explains, is often an adaptation, a response to unmet needs. Hyper-independence is what happens when you learn that vulnerability isn’t safe. It’s the child who stopped crying because no one came. It’s the adult who never stops working because rest feels dangerous.
Healing isn’t about doing it all alone. It’s about realizing you don’t have to anymore.
Healing begins the moment you stop pretending you can do it all alone.
Let people help you. Let them remind you that surrender is also strength.
Support Doesn’t Have to Be Grand — It Just Has to Be Real
Support doesn’t always come wrapped in big gestures.
Sometimes it’s a simple text: “Thinking of you.”
Sometimes it’s someone dropping off soup, or sitting next to you without words.
These small moments rewire your nervous system. They whisper, You’re not alone anymore.
In The Myth of Normal, Dr. Maté writes about how our culture glorifies burnout and disconnection. But healing happens when we slow down enough to receive. When we stop proving our worth and start letting love in.
If someone offers kindness, believe them.
If someone shows up, keep them.
If someone listens, thank them.
Connection is medicine.
Healing Through Attunement
The body keeps score, but it also keeps hope.
Every moment of empathy, safety, or tenderness teaches your body a new language. You begin to trust again. You begin to soften. You begin to believe that love can arrive without conditions.
Dr. Maté calls this attunement — being met where you are. The people who are attuned to you don’t rush your process. They sit in the silence until it shifts.
That’s the kind of support that changes lives, not the people who try to fix you, but the ones who remind you that you were never broken to begin with.
You Deserve Safe People
You deserve people who speak gently to the parts of you that still flinch.
People who remind you that you’re more than what you’ve survived.
People who see your light, even when you’ve forgotten how to find it.
You don’t need perfection. You just need a handful of souls who get it. Who show up. Who make you feel seen without explaining yourself.
Because the right people don’t just love you, they help you love yourself.
If You’re in the Middle of Something Hard Right Now…
Keep going.
Keep reaching out.
Keep letting love find you in small, unexpected ways.
Healing doesn’t mean the pain never happened. It means the pain no longer controls you.
That shift happens slowly — through connection, compassion, and time.
As Dr. Maté reminds us:
True healing isn’t about becoming who you were before the pain.
It’s about becoming who you were meant to be because of it.
And when you have the right support, that transformation becomes possible.
Because love, in its purest form, is the bridge between survival and peace.
Dedicated to: Shelby & Jesse, Dave & Mersedeh, Hannah & Jeff.